"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
