i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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