i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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