What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
