shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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