porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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