if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
