i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
