I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
