What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
