in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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