I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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