So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
