Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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