I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
