I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
