I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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