I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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