Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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