i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
