So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Alive.
So much puke
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
