You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
