Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
