I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You're like the curious george of whores
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
