My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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