i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
birth control should be required to get into college
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
