My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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