dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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