i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
