it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
