I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
