Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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