The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
