I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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