I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
