Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
