I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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