My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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