I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
