I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
