Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
