your parents love me but you hate me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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