So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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