On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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