let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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