Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
