i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
