think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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