So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
