sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
