I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
