I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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