I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
