The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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