I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
